What they’re doing to you, not what’s “wrong” with you
This guide is about psychology and emotional strategy, not legal doctrine.
1. Why behavior matters
Foreclosure isn’t just paperwork—it’s pressure.
Common behavior patterns by banks, servicers, and some attorneys:
- Make you feel ashamed, so you stop asking questions.
- Make you feel confused, so you stop trusting your own observations.
- Make you feel alone, so you don’t look for patterns or help.
When you see the behavior as a tactic, you can stop taking it as a personal verdict on your worth.
2. Common pressure lines
You might hear:
- “You defaulted. That’s all that matters.”
- “You’re just delaying the inevitable.”
- “You’re wasting everyone’s time.”
- “This judge has seen a thousand of these; nothing you bring up will matter.”
- “If you don’t sign this now, you’ll lose the house.”
These lines are meant to narrow your options and rush your decisions.
3. Emotional reactions that are normal (but used against you)
Totally normal reactions:
- Freeze and overwhelm
- Wanting to “just sign something to make it stop”
- Avoiding the mail or court website
- Feeling embarrassed to talk about it
Unfortunately, these reactions make you easier to push through a process you don’t understand.
4. Reframing: You’re not “difficult,” you’re under pressure
Try quietly shifting your inner language:
- From: “I’m difficult.”
To: “I’m being asked to agree to things under heavy pressure.” - From: “I don’t know anything.”
To: “I’m learning patterns and questions. I don’t have to know the law today.” - From: “They must be right because they’re confident.”
To: “Confidence doesn’t equal truth. I care about facts, not volume.”
5. Simple tools to keep your footing
- Write down everything
- After calls or meetings, jot quick notes: date, who, key remarks.
- Bring a written list of questions
- Especially to attorneys or legal aid; don’t rely on memory.
- Pause before signing anything
- If something feels off, say:“I need time to review this. I’ll get back to you.”
- Use your guides
- Come back to Start Here, Resources, and your own timeline/document folder to re-center.
You are allowed to slow the emotional tempo, even if you can’t slow the legal calendar.